“Write about that.” – My friend Kit’s response when I told him I have nothing to write about, then advising him of my car woes.

I took a leave of absence from work on August 18th, with the intent to return on November 9th after having regenerated physically and emotionally. So I left home about 9:30AM on my first day off to drive somewhere for breakfast and couldn’t find my car anywhere. I walked around the block, walked a few blocks in a couple of directions and still no car. It was stolen. Nice way to start my leave. I was really pretty surprised at how calmly I took all of this in and just went through the motions of calling the police, filing an insurance claim, and getting myself into a rental car. Today is November 8th. The claim still hasn’t been settled.

My car was found Friday of the same week it was stolen and the adjuster went out to inspect the vehicle at the impound lot. He called and advised me it was considered a total. That surprised me as I went out to inspect it myself and found it to be in perfect driving condition. Just some cigarette burns and I guess some dents I didn’t even notice. I talked with two adjusters and supposedly gave conflicting information to each one. So I was interviewed a third time, this time in person and with a court reporter present. I was told I would be advised of step next. That was October 8th.

There are further details that I won’t go into but it has been a mess. From my earliest days of sobriety I remember reading and hearing about how physicists say we live in a hologram, or A Course In Miracles saying that we live in a dream. Probably my most common source of inspiration is a book called “The Infinite Way,” written by the mystic Joel Goldsmith in the 1950’s. Throughout the book he repeatedly suggests that as any problem “appears,” go inside to resolve it as reality (in a spiritual sense) does not not include any “out there.” I have no problem with doing that, in fact I consider it a labor of love. Sometimes it’s just a little harder to get into the groove. Like when my car is stolen.

One of my very favorite lines in A Course In Miracles is “everything is for your benefit.” Everything. So I’m getting a crash course in looking beyond the problem and living in the solution, or spending a considerable amount of time with HP. I’m paraphrasing, but according to The Course, the purpose of the outside world is to drive us back inside, or home. As I said I do indeed consider this to be a labor of love and I meditate a lot. When I do so sometimes the affect is more chaos for a while. I’ve sometimes described it as being like diving into box of cracker jacks for the prize and the popcorn flies all over while I try to reach my nirvana. I also practiced Naqshbandi Sufism for years, which is essentially meditation and dream interpretation. It is said that this type of Sufi lives a life of either intense longing for “The Beloved” or attaining the goal for a while. That stage is usually brief, but an inexplicable sense of peace seems to be often present. I honestly believe that the intense longing is the only truly healthy addiction I’ve ever experienced. It brings with it a mystical view of the world that have never been quite able to describe. I seem to be, gratefully, experiencing that state or at least starting to. While I certainly haven’t withdrawn from the world, when not engaged in conversation or other activities my attention is within. There lies my true world.

While meditating yesterday afternoon, I threw in a little request to “see hope.” I then went to an AA speaker meeting meeting and sat up front by the lectern so I could hear the speaker better. It took me some time to focus, but I eventually noticed the stone on one of the pedestals up front that had the word “hope” written on it. Also, as always, the wire “hope” sculpture was secured to the front of the lectern. So my higher power has a sense of humor. Also, my friend Kit asked me when I would write again, which got my creative juices flowing. Validation accepted, thank you Mr. Higher Power. I am still sending a strongly worded email to my insurance company about my situation (I guess I’m channeling my inner Chuck Schumer) but am still continuing this beautiful dance with my spirit. While I certainly hope for an outcome beneficial to me regarding my car, my joy has been practicing going inside and being reminded repeatedly that I am far from being alone.

This one’s for you, Kit.

Peace

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